Tag: trans adventures

So you think you’re done with your transition?

There is this tendency when you reach a few octaves low and get the first facial hair, and finally yeet the teets to think that you’re “done” with your transition. Many people stop recording their changes, stop making youtube videos, and start living their stealth lives, as one would do. COMPLETELY UNDERSTANDABLE, I did that too.

And then I reached one and a half years on testosterone, and I changed the way I take it. And my voice started breaking again while I was two months in a new job – awkwaaard. And my face started getting round again, and I once again lost my perfectly sharp jawline and got a chubby cheeks fifteen year old’s face.

And my acne came back.

Is it the lockdown? Is it my diet? Is it the shots? Who knows?

All I know is that everything annoys me, I have infinite breakouts, my voice sounds like a squirrel, and I sweat like a mother fucker while having the sex drive of a kid that just discovered their genitals, while at the same time my back hurts and I find white hair on my eyebrows.

I AM IN CONFUSION.

Will this ever be really over?

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“Normal people’s” problems

The other day I got to meet with my godmother, who came to the city I live for some conference or something. We chatted and had a nice time together, and I was filling her up with how my life is going: not-very-successfully searching for a job, worries about money, a small existential crisis about the fact that I just turned 26 and I don’t really know what I’m doing with my life career-wise, relationships, and all the rest.

I have a pretty good relationship with my godmother, which is why I confidently shared a lot of the stuff that is going on my mind lately, and how I feel, particularly about career situation.

At some point she looked at me, and said something that took me off guard. She said “I think you’re not doing very well”, as in “I worry about you, because I think you’re sad”.

I looked at her, and I laughed. And then I told her that I am doing exceptionally well, and to be honest, I’m doing better than most other times in my life. I am not depressed, I am happy with who I am, I live in a stable house with a person I love and the stressors of my life are not as big as they used to be (especially during the past couple of years), and all I have to deal with right now is “normal people’s problems”.

I can finally sit down and think about jobs. LOL.
My future as a professional, what do I want to do with, you know, my life.

It’s funny because at some point in the past, not that long ago, I didn’t even believe that I would have reached this point. There was a point in my life that I legit didn’t believe that I will live let alone work past 25.

So, here we are, having to deal with unemployment and job search and all this shit, which is far, far away from fun and fine, but I find myself rolling my eyes at the face of adversity (or wasn’t that the quote), and not feeling as burdened about it.

I don’t know if that’s a good thing or not, but all I know is that I’ve grown enormously the past few years, and my whole life leading to now has given me a very different perspective on things.